You know that ‘friend’ whose house is bigger than yours, who makes more money than you, whose kids go to a private school and who (according to you) is better looking than you.
Guess what … She/he faces the same anxieties, fears, issues and is vulnerable exactly the same way as you.
How do I know that? Because we are more alike than different.
We all have this learned behaviour of feeling different from each other, not feeling part of the whole. We need to unlearn this and realise that we are more alike than we think we are.
That person whom you envy, dislike, admire, fancy, hate, is more like you than you realise.
Everyone wants to be liked.
To be accepted.
To feel important.
Humans are social animals and we all want connection and recognition. We all want to be part of a group/culture/social order. Groups have been important for our survival for thousands of years throughout history. This is part of our evolution.
But as much as we try to feel and portray we are different from each other, we are but as unique as the next person.
We all have the same fears (judgement, rejection, failure, death), anxieties, worries, stresses and annoyances.
Ageing parents, difficult children, money worries, loss of a job, loss of a loved one, physical suffering/illness, grey hair, being unfit/overweight, not performing well at work, having trouble in a marriage … You name it, we all go through it at some point in life.
Instead, we cover up all our fears and anxieties and carry around this persona that says ‘my life is all good, my choices are good, my judgement is good and perhaps better than yours’
“Enter people’s minds, and you’ll find the judges you’re so afraid of — and how judiciously they judge themselves.” – Marcus Aurelius (ix.18)
You and I are not so different after all. So let’s stop pretending.
Instead, if we had an actual and honest conversation with each other and genuinely understand that we all face the same problems in life then we wouldn’t need to pretend anymore.
We can truly uplift and encourage each other to be better if we let go of this facade.
So leave your ego at the door and make this the week where you have a genuine and honest conversation about your fears and anxieties with someone. Share something that you have never told anyone before.
It will be a life-changing experience.
It will teach you compassion and humility.
It will teach you to connect.
It will teach you to let go.
It will be a new way of life.
Try it. I dare you.